“I […] learned that you didn’t come onto this earth as a perfectionist or control freak. You weren’t born a person of cringe and contraction. You were born as energy, as life, made of the same stuff as stars, blossoms, breezes. You learned contraction to survive, but that was then. You have paid through the nose—paid but good. It is now your turn to reap.”—Anne Lamott
My love for you is larger than any compass could map. But like a Queen with the luxury of time and resources I trek through the forests and expanses that you have stretched my being across, looking both for reasons that I deserve you and ways that I might help you unfold.
and not knowing: allowing room for the mystery of creating to be able to wonder softly without needing to understand everything to trust in the process to trust in love to trust in the mystery and wonder of the universe that beats softly wildly true all round about us, that is hidden in the mists in the clouds and the rain in the wind blowing and the rain lashing down on your window, reminding you poetically prosaically that this is where you are, on the island, at the edge, in a place of finding and refinding, and remembering to remember the feel of the mist, wind and rain.
how willingly do you accept stuff, and how willing are you to question things? how creative are you in finding your own answers? for example, everyone knows in school that you cannot divide by zero. why? i try to find if they’ve actually questioned things like that at any time. the point is,…
So sweet thing, this Full Moon is most likely going to be bringing something to the light or something to the head. There is a shift occurring with your higher mind and what this is really about is actually you opening more to something that is far reaching and maybe even works for the whole. You may have had this sort of limiting way of thinking and right NOW you are awakening to needing to transform this thing into love and into acceptance. This feels maybe like a judgmental thing too… so you may be awakening to a natural way that you mind has worked, and even though you thought it was okay because the thought is only kept inside your mind and not delivered out side of you, but having this judgmental thought or way of thinking is actually keeping you locked into a lower density. You need love up there in your thoughts. You need to be open minded and more in balance with the opinions or actions of others. So you need to purify this thing and see it in a better sort of way and one which manifests more good into your life. This shifting/awakening is crucial for you right now and it may be involved with you successfully participating in this writing or message thing as it will really start to anchor you into a solid and safe space AND it will add to your feelings of self worth. You will feel used, in a good way, from the opportunities that will come WHEN you awaken to this new way of seeing things. You need to expand and move up and get out of this box. THIS shift into a higher way of really being is aligning you to BE expressing your creative gifts with authority and with LOVING yourself more. So think of this work now like surgery happening in your mind and this may not feel so good when it is happening, but the situations showing up are to OPEN your mind further and to chip away at any old crusty ways of habitual thinking that are actually going totally against the acquisition of your dreams being manifested. Again key for you this time is to go silent and ask for guidance as to why the things are showing up in your life like they are. There is a point to this all, but it will only be found when you can like get out into nature and just retreat for a spell. You more than anyone right now need to QUIET your chatty mind and start listening only to your heart and to your gut. In 2 weeks you will have much more clarity and what comes out of your mouth will be more heart centered and not defensive or hurtful. So if you need to clear anything up with anyone at this time, hold of for a few weeks.
Check out your horoscope by the beautiful KV, here.
Do not try to save the whole world or do anything grandiose. Instead, create a clearing in the dense forest of your life and wait there patiently, until the song that is your life falls into your own cupped hands and you recognize and greet it. Only then will you know how to give yourself to this world so worthy of rescue.
Today, I woke up a bit later in the day than I had planned.
Today, I meditated for the first time in a week of doing a 21 day challenge. I tried not to feel shame, but pride towards myself that I showed up and practiced today.
Today’s centering thought is “My little changes amount to big benefits.” which I really need to be more conscious of these days. I feel like I am making so many changes, that I am not seeing any results. But how can I with so many changes?
Today, I learned the differences between shame, guilt, humiliation, and embarrassment.
Today, I meant to drink more water and eat more protein. However, I did have enough healthy fat.
Today, I did not spend the morning obsessively planning and predicting what was going to happen at work today. I was too focused on being confident.
Today, I splurged on some organic facial products for my difficult and frustrating skin. The technician spent the time to really listen to what I had to say and asked meaningful questions. I am so grateful for that interaction.
Today, I had a moment on the sidewalk where I abruptly turned directions and carelessly bumped into someone. I felt embarrassed, but the person was most concerned that I was lost and needed help.
Today I learned that joy does not bring us gratitude. It is gratitude that makes us joyful.
Ira Glass on storytelling ...and any other creative work, really.
"Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not.But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story [or piece of art, etc.]. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through.”
“The days aren’t discarded or collected, they are bees
that burned with sweetness or maddened
the sting: the struggle continues,
the journeys go and come between honey and pain.
No, the net of years doesn’t unweave: there is no net.
They don’t fall drop by drop from a river: there is no river.
Sleep doesn’t divide life into halves,
or action, or silence, or honor:
life is like a stone, a single motion,
a lonesome bonfire reflected on the leaves,
an arrow, only one, slow or swift, a metal
that climbs or descends burning in your bones.”—Pablo Neruda